When They Say 'I Hate Reading'

Journey Map - Biweekly Edition

Part 1: When They Say 'I Hate Reading' (You are here)
Part 2: The Stories They Tell Themselves (in 2 weeks)
Part 3: Finding Their Reader Archetype (in 4 weeks)
Part 4: The Power of Micro-Victories (in 6 weeks)
Part 5: Social Proof That Sticks (in 8 weeks)
Part 6: The Quiet Revolution (in 10 weeks)

It happens in a moment you weren't expecting.

You suggest reading time, or they see you reaching for a book, or their teacher mentions the library.

And out it comes. 'I hate reading.'

Three words that land like a door slamming shut.

If you've heard this from your child, you know the feeling that follows. The worry. The frustration. The quiet fear that maybe you've failed them somehow.

But what most advice won't tell you is this. 'I hate reading' isn't really about books.

This Week's Insight

When a child says 'I hate reading,' they're not rejecting stories or words or imagination.

They're protecting themselves.

Think about it this way.
No one declares hatred for something they feel confident about. You don't hear children saying 'I hate breathing' or 'I hate walking' because these feel natural, safe, and manageable.

But when something consistently feels hard, exposing, or out of reach, that's when we build walls. 'I hate reading' is a preemptive strike that says, 'I'm rejecting this before it can reject me.'

Your child isn't being difficult. They're being human.

The Identity Behind the Words

When children say they hate reading, they're not describing a temporary feeling. They're making an identity statement.

They're saying: 'Reading isn't for me.'

And once a child decides they're 'not a reader,' everything related to reading gets filtered through that lens.

Struggle becomes proof. 'See? I am not good at this.'
Success gets dismissed. 'That was lucky!'
Encouragement feels false. 'You're just saying that.'

This isn't stubbornness. It's self-protection.

Your child has collected evidence that reading feels unsafe, too hard, too exposing, too likely to end in disappointment. So they've built an identity that keeps them safe from that pain.

The problem is that this protective identity also keeps them from growing.

Why Arguing Doesn't Work

When your child says, 'I hate reading,' every instinct tells you to counter it. ‘No, you don't! Remember how much you loved that book about dinosaurs?'

But arguing with an identity statement does the opposite of what you intend. It tells them their feelings aren't valid, that you're not truly listening to what they're trying to say, and that you need them to be someone else.

None of this is what you mean.
But it's what they hear, and it makes them hold tighter to that protective identity, because now they have to defend it.

The Hidden Fear

Your child isn't rejecting reading. They're rejecting the feeling of not being enough, and until that feeling changes, the identity stays locked in place.

Reflection for Parents and Carers

Before we discuss what to do differently, let's pause and reflect on a few key questions.

1. When did you first hear them say 'I hate reading'?

2. What was happening in their reading experience at that time?

3. How did you respond, and what did your response communicate to them?

4. Can you remember a time when reading felt hard or embarrassing for you?

These aren't questions with right or wrong answers. They're invitations to understand your child's experience with more compassion and to understand your reactions with more gentleness, too.

This Week's Gentle Challenge

What I want you to try over the next two weeks is simple.

Just listen.

The next time your child says 'I hate reading' or anything similar, resist the urge to fix, correct, or convince.

You might try one of these responses instead.

• 'I can see reading doesn't feel good for you right now.'

• 'It makes sense that you'd feel that way if reading has been difficult.'

• 'I hear you. Thank you for telling me how you feel.'

Then wait.

Let them talk, if they want to. Let them sit quietly, if they need to. You're not agreeing that reading is terrible. You're not giving up on their growth.

You're showing them that their feelings are valid and safe with you. You're starting to build trust around this tender topic.

And trust is where change begins.

What's Next

In two weeks, we'll dive into 'The Stories They Tell Themselves,’ exploring how children create internal narratives about their abilities and how these stories become self-fulfilling prophecies.

You'll learn to recognise the difference between temporary struggle and permanent identity, and discover how to help your child rewrite their internal dialogue about learning.

Until then, practice listening. Practice patience.

And remember, your child's current relationship with reading is not their final destination.

It's just where they are right now. And that's okay.